Q. My best friend is getting married. I was honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid, but over the last few months, my friend has been replaced with some sort of sadistic psycho. She has been just the sort of demanding and abusive “bridezilla” TV reality shows are made of. I know her fiancé, who is a really nice guy, is getting pretty worried that this is who she really is and beginning to get cold feet. She even purposely picked out the most hideous bridesmaids’ dresses she could find—and I know that because she told me so—because she thought it would be funny to make us wear something really horrible. I would wear anything for her—I don’t care about that. But I am really worried about the way she is treating me, and her fiancé, and her family and other friends. How many of us are going to be left if she keeps this up, you know? Is there some way I can reason with her, or at least warn her?
A. Well, it is her wedding, after all. You do pretty much have to wear whatever she wants you to, and suck it up and like it. Have you considered, however, that maybe she considers you and/or the rest of her wedding party prettier than she is, or otherwise threatening in some way, and therefore she wants to be sure that nobody looks as good as she does? Have you considered how stressful her position is? Big weddings—especially when they’re first ones—are terribly stressful. Try a little compassion. If that doesn’t work, try slipping a low dose of over-the-counter tranquilizers into her Diet Coke. And if you feel the need to get back at her, just think about the things you’ll make her do for your next wedding. That little trick always works for me.
Q. I am fortunate during the economic downturn in that I managed to keep my job. Now the company I work for is even growing, which is great, but it also means that another level of management has been inserted between myself and my former boss, who I really liked working for. The new manager doesn’t know what he’s doing, micromanages me, takes credit for my good work, then messes it all up and blames me for doing it wrong. I’m afraid he’s getting me in trouble, or perhaps even fired. I just want to go back to the way it was before, where I was working for my great boss. Is there some way I can accomplish that?
A. See, now, this question is just not believable. No organizations are growing enough that they’re hiring whole layers of management. I can’t help you, people, if you don’t tell me the truth.
Q. Last night, I had dinner at my mom’s house, because she was going to introduce me to her new boyfriend. I was excited for her, because she hasn’t been dating much since she and my father divorced, and she seems to really like this guy. She talks about him a lot, and they’re going away for the weekend together. She seems to think they have a real future. Imagine my surprise, then, when he walked in. I recognized him immediately as a guy I took home one night a couple of months ago. He seemed pretty normal, but then he turned out to have some very strange fetishes—he was a little scary, really—and I never called him again. I was horrified to know this was the guy my mom was seeing—never mind the idea that if it works out, this scary, sick freak might be my stepfather! I really want to get him away from my mom, and right away. But if I talk to her about it, I’ll have to reveal how I know what I know. Maybe he hasn’t tried to get her to do bizarre things yet, or for all I know, maybe she doesn’t mind (ewww, I don’t want to think about it), or maybe he doesn’t try to do the weird stuff with people he’s going to see again, but if she’s already talking about spending more time with him, and going out of town, and introducing him to the family, I think she should at least know what she’s getting into. What in the world can I possibly do here?
A. This is indeed a very disturbing problem. If bringing home random kinky strangers is a pattern with you, maybe it’s time to admit that it’s beginning to cause you some problems. That being said, it is one thing to be jealous of someone else’s relationship, but to be jealous of your own mother’s relationship… well, that is just a real red flag. Just because your mother is having success with someone you didn’t click with is no reason to try to sabotage her happiness. If you continue to have these urges, you might consider some intensive professional analysis. Electra complexes can be very difficult for the whole family, and potentially dangerous besides. Best to get it taken care of right away.
