Q. I have a very good friend who is dependable for some things but not for others. One of the things that he’s not too dependable with is follow-through. Which is OK—I’ve known him for a while, and I know what to expect. We have a new friend, though, who doesn’t know him as well, and I’m concerned she’s going to end up regretting her involvement in one of his projects. She has offered to invest in it: money, her good name and her own clout in getting outside investments, as well as her time.
I’m really concerned the project won’t go off at all because of my friend’s sketchy record with follow-through. He doesn’t seem to understand what’s involved in pulling it off—how much time and money and discipline are really needed. That makes me concerned for our new friend, and her time, money, and professional reputation. I feel like I want to warn her, but if I say something to her, I feel like I’m betraying him; if I don’t say anything, I feel like she could really get burned. What do I do?
A. It really seems like you are asking a question about something between two other adults. Is that accurate? If it is, recognize that this situation is not your problem—or really, any of your business. Really, what is your standing in this issue? Its outcome doesn’t affect you one iota, one way or the other. It’s like the people who get all upset about same-sex couples getting married. Really, what does it mean for one’s own marriage if two people they’ve never met, but who happen to have the same hoo-hoo, get married? Nothing! It doesn’t impact their marriage AT ALL, just like other people’s marriages don’t affect theirs at all—unless, of course, trouble in both of them leads to some sort of re-coupling, of course, which, how is that NOT an affront to marriage in itself?! Like THOSE people deserve the right to say what everyone else’s marriage should be like, when they’re not even valuing their own marriages enough not to hire male prostitutes and take methamphetamine to get away from those marriages!
But I digress. You should probably ask yourself why you feel the need to be such a… busybody. You might want to stop that. Not only will it make you less irritating to your friends, it will also be more relaxing to you not to waste so much energy on things that aren’t your problem. It’s exhausting, after all.
Q. Like a lot of people, I have had a really tough year. Fortunately for me, I had a friend with a fledgling business who needed someone with my skill set to work part-time. I like her very much, and I am extremely grateful to have the work. However, she doesn’t pay me regularly, and I often go weeks without a check. Never knowing when she is going to pay me makes it difficult to plan and to pay bills, but I don’t feel like I can say anything to her about it because she is giving me work—and paying me—at a time when nobody else would. Is there a way I can ask her to pay me regularly, just for the sake of planning?
A. Well, the first thing to understand is that, with startup businesses, it may not be that your friend is just really busy or forgetful, or that she is not paying you regularly on purpose for some unknown spiteful reason. It may be that she pays you whenever she gets paid—that is, whenever she can—and that that is not so regular yet.
Here is a question for you: do you find this friend at all attractive? If you think you can do it, you might consider seducing her. Many people will pay their employees who are also their lovers before they pay the rest of their staff.
